Vayishlach

Reflections on Parsha and Practice

This week, years after stealing the birthright from him and fleeing from his anger, Jacob has to reunite with his twin brother Esau . Jacob sends messengers and gifts, strategically preparing for an attack from his brother. But it's not Esau he must ultimately contend with - it's a divine being who wrestles with him at night while he is alone, after sending his family and belongings ahead. He struggles until daybreak. The divine being injures his hip and blesses him, naming him Israel. Finally, when Jacob encounters Esau in the morning, there is no fearsome attack. The brothers embrace, weep and kiss.

Jacob's actions represent a common occurrence in mindfulness practice. We observe how the mind creates stories triggered by our fears, often a result of past experiences. We tend to brace for the worst and strategize, going to great lengths to prevent some imagined result from playing out. More often than not, we eventually come to realize that the real outcome is significantly different than the story we had fabricated.

And yet, Jacob was not wrong to anticipate conflict as a result of his actions; commentators teach that his wrestling and hip injury are in some way connected to him stealing Esau's birthright. The real conflict, however, was not meant to happen externally, with Esau, in the presence of hundreds of people and great drama. It had to happen while Jacob was alone, with some mysterious, innermost part of himself, intimately, and in the dark. Jacob sent his family ahead in order to prevent the encounter he had created in his mind. Ironically, this strategy created the perfect conditions for him to be alone and vulnerable in order to have the encounter he was meant to have.

Jacob is the first person who willingly goes to sleep in Torah - in the wilderness, no less! It is not strategy, manipulation or control that enables him to move forward - but rather a quality of surrender in which there is both vulnerability and strength. It's this quality which merits his blessing and his new name, Israel, symbolic of his actualization and the fulfillment of his destiny.

As we see, the new name doesn't quite stick. For the rest of his life he will be referred to as both "Jacob" - representing his potential - and "Israel" - representing his actualization. From this, we learn that the process of actualization is not linear; it requires us to wrestle, to face the consequences of past actions, to be both vulnerable and strong, and to dance between both names.